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Chemo Treatment Take Three

I will have my third chemo today.  I never sleep well the night before as I want to relish my body feeling well.  I know that once I have my chemo the cycle will start again.  Fatigued and nauseous.  It's the nausea that gets to me.  It's like perpetual morning sickness combined with a whopping hang over (and I didn't even get to have fun the night before!). I know this is a byproduct of the chemo and I find myself bracing for it.  I sometimes have a pity party for myself when I'm going through it.  I had a melt down last time when I was in the thick of it - crying to Bob that I was tired of it all.  I've lost a breast, lost my hair and am so tired of being nauseous.  I tell him I can't wait for the day when I wake up feeling good.  It's exhausting treating cancer and some days I'm just that - exhausted. So I get apprehensive about going to chemo.  Not for the actual process, it's actually a breeze - but for the side effects I will feel for the next two weeks.


I'm especially nervous for this chemo as I have had a cold.  I had a major meltdown on Sunday because I was worried about my system being compromised already going into this chemo.  Nicholas is getting married on August 19th.  I have ten days from this chemo to get better.  What if my cold gets worse?  I call my oncology nurse on Monday and ask her to talk me off the wall.  My only concern is the wedding.  She calls me in a Z pack and it puts my mind at ease.  Whoop! Whoop!

So it's 8:00 in the morning, I'm writing to ease my mind.  I know this is all doable.  I know I will be uncomfortable for a few days - but I will get through it.  I have an end goal in mind - the wedding.  I am reminding myself that I signed up for this - side effects and all.  It will give me a long life.  Yes, the timing sucks.  I would have rather not  been going through treatments during the wedding, I would have liked to have had hair, I would like my body to be at 100%.  But in the grand scheme of things - I get to be at my son's wedding.  How lucky and blessed am I?  

So I will embrace today and be thankful for my chemo once again.  It is a gift that I shouldn't wish away.  It is giving me life.  So I will put on my big girl panties on and deal with it.  Life is great!


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