Chemo Treatment Take Three
I will have my third chemo today. I never sleep well the night before as I want to relish my body feeling well. I know that once I have my chemo the cycle will start again. Fatigued and nauseous. It's the nausea that gets to me. It's like perpetual morning sickness combined with a whopping hang over (and I didn't even get to have fun the night before!). I know this is a byproduct of the chemo and I find myself bracing for it. I sometimes have a pity party for myself when I'm going through it. I had a melt down last time when I was in the thick of it - crying to Bob that I was tired of it all. I've lost a breast, lost my hair and am so tired of being nauseous. I tell him I can't wait for the day when I wake up feeling good. It's exhausting treating cancer and some days I'm just that - exhausted. So I get apprehensive about going to chemo. Not for the actual process, it's actually a breeze - but for the side effects I will feel for the next two weeks.
I'm especially nervous for this chemo as I have had a cold. I had a major meltdown on Sunday because I was worried about my system being compromised already going into this chemo. Nicholas is getting married on August 19th. I have ten days from this chemo to get better. What if my cold gets worse? I call my oncology nurse on Monday and ask her to talk me off the wall. My only concern is the wedding. She calls me in a Z pack and it puts my mind at ease. Whoop! Whoop!
So it's 8:00 in the morning, I'm writing to ease my mind. I know this is all doable. I know I will be uncomfortable for a few days - but I will get through it. I have an end goal in mind - the wedding. I am reminding myself that I signed up for this - side effects and all. It will give me a long life. Yes, the timing sucks. I would have rather not been going through treatments during the wedding, I would have liked to have had hair, I would like my body to be at 100%. But in the grand scheme of things - I get to be at my son's wedding. How lucky and blessed am I?
So I will embrace today and be thankful for my chemo once again. It is a gift that I shouldn't wish away. It is giving me life. So I will put on my big girl panties on and deal with it. Life is great!