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Me and My Shadow

I've got a shadow with me 24/7. It's my dog, Winston.  We got the dog, 16 years ago, for our children.  He's been my dog ever since.  I'm his mom and he loves me best.  During my first journey with the Big "C", he never left my side.  I'd come home from surgeries or treatment and he couldn't get on my lap fast enough.

He senses I have cancer I know it and feel it.  He gets frantic when he can't be with me.  He paces and cries.  He can't really jump up on couches and chairs anymore so he has to be lifted up.  Once he's in my lap he always sighs with contentment.  And guess what, so do I.

He's 16 now, he sleeps longer, he moves slower.  He has horrendous breath - lol!.  Anthony laments that we have the old smelly dog.  We've been told we can't clean his teeth as he has a slow beating heart and the anesthetic will most likely kill him.  So smelly teeth it is!

I've resorted to feeding him human food.  He gets ground sirloin, chicken or ground ham always accompanied by shredded cheese - lol! Spoiled, yes, but with all the energy and unconditional love he's given us over the years he deserves it.  One of the first things I said to him when I received my diagnosis (cause I discuss things with him all the time - great listener, no talk back) - I know he's 16 and he's nearing the end of his time here - I tell him I need him to hold on a little bit longer for me.  I know it's selfish but I need his energy and love.  I'm not ready to let him go. He's an integral part of my journey, he gives me such great energy and love and I can't imagine going through it without him.  So thank you, Winston for being my shadow.


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