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Roller Coaster Ride . . .

I've come home from my treatment and spend the day relaxing and watching one of the gazillion movies I've DVR'd.  I faithfully take my anti-nausea medication even though I'm not feeling too nauseous.  I'm so glad I did.  I have a good appetite when I get home and eat chicken noodle soup along with a PB&J.  I'm thinking this is just fine, I can do this.  Then dinner time rolls around - yep that chicken soup that tasted so good at lunch - I can't stand the smell of it.  Is this what dogs go through?  I think I've become part dog - lol!  My smelling capabilities have just intensified 1000%!  

The only thing that sounds remotely appetizing is a bagel.  Bob runs and gets me one and I can eat half of it.  I'm thinking - so this is what they mean when they say the "Chemo" diet.  If this continues I may have to order a smaller size dress for the wedding - BONUS!  Hey I've  got to look for the silver lining here!

I have made sure I've walked every day to keep up my stamina.  I will admit it took a lot of of me last night.  I woke the past two mornings around 4:30 extremely nauseous.  It's feels like morning sickness combined with a hangover.  Yuk!  I immediately take nausea medication and drink a ton of water.  Of course, I stay up then.  I find my sleep patterns are off but overall - this is doable.

This morning I wake up particularly ill, my every present knight in shining armor, asks what he can do to help me - would I like something to eat?  I'm fighting off tears (really if I start, I'm not sure I'll be able to stop) and say yes a bagel.  He's gotten me cinnamon raisin muffins which I usually love but the thought of eating a raisin has me ready to get sick.  Off he goes at 6:30 in the morning to Tim Horton's and brings me a toasted bagel.  Seriously, is he not the best man around?  I eat the bagel, drink some Vernors and we lay back in bed hold hands and fall asleep for three hours.  Pure bliss.  

I love it when I sleep.  I'm not sick when I sleep, I'm not thinking while I sleep, I get to escape for awhile.  

I find today, I'm more exhausted than I was yesterday.  I'm into day 4.  I walk the perimeter of my home to get in some exercise but I find this tires me.  I have to take Bob to pick up Riley's car and am exhausted when I get home.  I figure the days immediately following will be the days I need to conserve my energy.  This is trial and error time.  Flowing with the unknown.  Observing how my body will handle this.   Keeping myself a little cocooned to stay healthy.  

My sister, Denise has stopped by and brought me chicken soup.  During our visit I tell her how many people have touched me life during this. It's amazing to me really. Our cousin Anne Marie sends me a card every week - receiving them brightens my day and touches my heart that she takes the time to do this for me.  A cousin of my husband's, Meri Cornacchini, who lives in Italy, that I've never met personally, gives me uplifting messages and support on Facebook.  How friends I knew 40 plus years ago from grade school and high school are reaching out to me and giving me encouragement and hope.  The nurses where I receive my chemo with their loving care.  Friends reaching out to see if we need anything, daily texts from my family and friends checking in to see how I'm feeling, my husband and children holding me up.  All this brings me back to LOVE.  If this isn't a journey of love I don't know what is. Yes, I'm feeling physically low today but how can I let it get me down when I'm surrounded by all this love?  

I'm journeying through something difficult but I refuse to look at that way.  I'm journeying through this in love.  Love from my caregivers, love from my friends, love from my family and love for myself. How can I not think that I'm lucky and blessed?  


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