I went the next day to Beaumont to have a CT scan to ensure the device was in correctly.
This is when I realize that I have totally looked at myself like a third person when I have procedures done. It’s like I’m floating above my body watching myself. I find that I have to detach myself to not feel embarrassed when I have to strip and go topless. I had a hard time doing this when I had a great body – now? Mortified! The other thing I noticed that I always did – when I had to strip down and put on a gown, I always, always folded my underwear and bra underneath my clothes. They were going to look at my most private parts but god forbid they see my underwear and bra! I sit down on the table and just open up my gown – detaching when the tech says, “Ah, we can cover you up for this.” OMG, I’ve just flashed the guy thinking I’m be all cool and collected and I didn’t even have to show my chest. Could it get any worse? Well guess what it does.
I’m on the table, while he’s in another room running the CT scan, when I hear him say: Hmmm. Let’s take another look at this. Let me call someone in here. What? Are you kidding me? “That’s not good” what does that mean??? Well, it seems I have the one in 10,000 devices that is faulty. My device is leaking fluid. It’s the first time in the history of this device and I have the faulty one. Hip hip hooray -NOT!
My radiologist is on vacation. The doctor on duty asks me if I want to remove the device and quit the clinical trial and do the standard radiation protocol. My answer is no but if I’m honest here – it was partly because I didn’t want someone taking the device out of me. I didn’t want strangers touching my breast. All of a sudden I’ve become territorial? I know it sounds crazy but my breast had had enough abuse. Quite frankly, I certainly wasn’t thinking that rationally because the device had to come out eventually. I’m released to go home and wait to hear from my breast surgeon.
I find out my luck gets even better – all reps are in Las Vegas for a convention and I can’t get a new device for a week. One week! I have to keep this faulone week of keeping the faulty device inside me. Lucky me! I must continue to wear a bra at all times, the faulty device will stay in me.
I have to go to my doctor’s office to have the faulty device removed and the new one put in. I am not looking forward to this procedure as I was told by one of the nurses when I was in recovery when they put in the device that I was smart for having it implanted surgically. She went on to tell me that her friend had it done in her doctor’s office and the pain was unbearable. Really???? Why do people think I want to hear this kind of thing?
We meet with Dr. Ruark to discuss the next steps. I express my concern about having it done in her office. She senses my apprehension and instructs me to take two vicadin an hour before I go to her office. I take one and a half because I’m still thinking about my laxative incident and don’t want a repeat of that! Stress level high, I go to the office. While I’m there I meet the rep – nice guy but when he introduces himself – I tell him I’m really not happy that I have to meet him. He tells me good news – we’re not charging you for the faulty device. You’re kidding me, right? Once again the anticipation was much worse than the procedure. Though having the rep there while the procedure was going on wasn’t thrilling. My doctor numbed me with a very small needle – really didn’t feel anything. Once again, she was a rock star. No pain and only felt pressure during the procedure.
The next day I went back to hospital for another CT scan. This time the room was filled with people (and yes I bonded with the rep once again) to see if this device was working correctly. Jeez why didn’t they just sell tickets? Did they all have to watch? Couldn’t the tech just give them the news? Honestly, if I could change one thing about this journey it would be this!
CT scan complete – finally good news it was in correctly! I’m cleared to start treatment. I’ll be done three days before I leave for my daughter’s dance nationals. Life is great!!!
