The day before it begins . . .
Tuesday, July 11th, begins with a session with Natalie. Tune up done - check! Visit to the breast surgeon to get the okay for surgery didn't go as well. Theresa tells me the pinpoints have cleared but now sees a rash on my stomach. She thinks it may be a yeast infection - really?!? She tells me if that's the case, the nurses won't want to start chemo. This is what I don't want to hear! The pinpoints are closed and now this? I don't want anything to jeopardize my chemo schedule. My main focus is on my son's wedding. I want to have the most energy I can for that special day. We agree that I will apply Cortizone to the area and call my oncology nurse. I leave hopeful but apprehensive.
My sister Kelle and her daughter, Haley are here for MSU orientation - GO STATE! We go to Denise's for a family dinner. It was a nice night, filled with hearing about Haley's orientation and their family trip to Ireland. I speak with my niece, Allison, about what to expect tomorrow as she's an infusion nurse. She has been a tremendous help to me and I truly appreciate her for it. Not much is discussed about tomorrow and I'm grateful. I'm tired of thinking about it. I like staying present. I need to stay in the now. I find my sanity in the now.
We go home and watch some television. We're in bed by 11:30, of course, Bob falls asleep immediately! I, on the other hand, watch television and eventually read. It's close to 3:30 and I've still not gone to sleep. Bob wakes up and asks me if I'm alright. Yes, I respond, just fine. Then why aren't you asleep? he asks. I start to cry a little and say "I don't want to go to sleep, I want to stay awake and feel normal for awhile. I don't know the next time I'll feel this healthy. I'm not in pain, I don't feel fatigue, I'm not nauseous, my bones don't ache. I don't know when I'll feel like this again. I don't want to let it go. I want to relish this a little bit longer." He understands and holds me till I eventually fall asleep.
I wake up, ground myself and meditate. I'm finding my gratitude for what I'm to be given today. I'm going with the Flow and seeing what the world will bring me.